Empty Joe, “I’ll be an ally of the light, not the darkness,” the nominee tells virtual DNC.

Lloyd Billingsley, “Joe Biden knows how to read,” host Julia Louis-Dreyfus took care to remind viewers Thursday, “and he reads everything.” In an undated clip, Joe Biden quoted Kierkegaard that “faith sees best in the dark.”

The television audience may have wanted more, but the virtual event kept them waiting while other Democrats had their say.

“Joe and Kamala are real people,” said former candidate Andrew Wang, who also hailed “the magic of Joe Biden.”  Sen. Chris Coons said Biden’s faith is strong and he “knows the power of prayer.” Such a man of faith and conscience, Coons said, can “confront the original sins of this nation, slavery and racism.” Atlanta mayor Keisha Lance Bottoms hailed the late John Lewis, celebrated earlier in a short film. And now we need “real leaders like Joe Biden and Kamala Harris.”

California secretary of state Alex Padilla has registered at least one million illegals to vote through the state DMV, and refuses to participate in probes of voter fraud. On Thursday, Padilla charged that Trump is “trying to sabotage the Post Office” and “made it hard to cast ballots.”

Sen. Cory Booker did not experience another Spartacus moment, but he told viewers his auto-worker father “would be proud of Joe and Kamala.” Sen. Tammy Baldwin said Joe’s record on health care “was a big f—king deal,” and Joe and Kamala were “the only answer.” American troops now have a “coward in chief,” said Sen. Tammy Duckworth, and “Joe Biden would never turn his back on our troops.”

Mayor Pete Buttigieg said Joe Biden “stepped out ahead on marriage equality,” and “imagine what could change by 2030.” So Pete and husband Chasten are “proudly supporting Joe and Kamala.” It’s contest for the soul of a nation and “black lives matter.” Former rival Michael Bloomberg told viewers Biden and Obama created more jobs than Trump. For Vermont socialist Bernie Sanders “Joe is honest and decent,” and the nominee from Delaware seemed to be in his preacher mode.

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“Give people light and they will find a way,” Biden said. “I’ll be an ally of the light, not the darkness.” He was out to “chose hope over fear, facts over fiction,” instead of the “truth over facts” of a previous speech. On Thursday, Biden said, “the days of cozying up to dictators is over,” and “there’s never been anything we’ve been able to accomplish.” For the most part, the rest was error free, but all too familiar boilerplate about the existential threat of climate change, tax breaks for the wealthy, and of course “systemic racism.” And so on.

“This is not a partisan moment,” Biden said. The nation is “poised to make great progress again” and “find the light once more.” And as he closed out, “may God bless you and may God protect our troops.”

Joe Biden said not a word about the violence currently convulsing the nation, and neither did any other Democrat. It also escaped notice that DNC casting directors had missed some Democrat Big Stars such as former California Assembly Speaker Willie Brown.

Back in the day, when he was 60, Brown spotted Kamala Harris, 30 years his junior. Brown set her up in lucrative sinecures and she became his main squeeze. That act of poontronage, helped launch a career that has landed Harris on the 2020 ticket, under Joe Biden. Also missing from the virtual DNC was Angela Davis, the 1980 and 1984 Communist Party USA candidate under the Stalinist Gus Hall.

Davis, keynote speaker at the 2017 Women’s March, is on record that “to vote for ourselves I think that means that we will have to campaign for and vote for Joe Biden.” Even so, the Democrats’ 2020 show saved no room for Angela.

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Joe Biden’s first DNC was in Miami, in 1972, so for Joe this is DNC number 12. In all that time, and maybe before, Joe Biden is the first presidential candidate truly to defy satire. Tom Shillue and Bruce Bawer do their level best, but the best portrayal may be Chauncey Gardner in the 1979 Being There.

According to housekeeper Louise, who raised him, Chauncey was “short-changed by the Lord and dumb as a jackass,” yet he cavorts with the rich and powerful and winds up a famous television commentator. As Louise explains, “All you have to be in America is white to get anything you want.” For all their talk that black lives matter, the Democrats pick an old white guy who tells a black radio host that if he doesn’t support him “you ain’t black.”

At the funeral of magnate Benjamin Rand, his handlers say their only chance to retain the presidency is Chauncey Gardner. In similar style, Democrats are banking on Joe Biden to win back the presidency from Donald Trump, but maybe old Joe is just, as President Trump said Thursday, “a puppet of the radical left movement,” and the one they really want on top is Kamala Harris, who got her start under Willie Brown.

If Biden wins, Democrats may have a plan to depose him, or maybe something will happen before the election. After all, in 1972 George McGovern dumped highly qualified running mate Thomas Eagleton because he had been hospitalized for depression. As President Trump likes to say, we’ll have to wait and see what happens.

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